This week’s video is a personal one.
It’s about a season of my life when anxiety got so loud that I had to step back and really look at what was happening to me. It’s also about how slowing my life down changed me in ways I didn’t fully understand until much later.
I share more of the full story in the video, but the short version is this: there was a point where I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I had been. I needed more space, more honesty, and a gentler way of moving through life than the one I had been forcing myself to maintain.
Why I Felt Compelled to Make It
I didn’t set out to make this video as some big emotional reveal.
Honestly, it was not until I had finished it and watched it all the way through that it really hit me.
I cried. Several times.
Not because I was grieving that season exactly, but because I could see how far I’ve come. I could see it in my face, in my energy, in the way I move through the world now. And I think that surprised me.
There’s one part of the video in particular that really got me. I’m just sitting by the Columbia River eating my lunch with Georgie. The wind is blowing my hair, Georgie is trying to convince me to share my food, and we’re having this playful little banter back and forth. It’s such a simple moment, but when I watched it back, I cried.
I think it was because I could see my own smile so clearly. I could see myself sitting there taking in this beautiful world, still able to notice beauty, still able to feel joy, even with how heavy life can feel sometimes.
And in that moment, I couldn’t stop thinking about my younger selves. My 5-year-old self. My 10-year-old self. My 14-year-old self. I think they would be so happy to know that we made it. That we survived. And that we’re happy despite so many years of abuse.
Sometimes when change happens slowly, you don’t fully realize it while you’re in it. Then one day you look back and see that your life feels different. You feel different.
That’s what this video gave me.
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A Few Behind-the-Scenes Thoughts
One of the hardest parts of that season was that I didn’t fully understand what was wrong at the time.
I knew I was anxious. I knew I was overwhelmed. I knew I was disconnected from my creativity and that trying to keep making videos felt forced. But I didn’t yet have language for all of it, and I definitely wasn’t ready to talk about it publicly in real time.
So in a lot of ways, making this video now felt like being able to tell the truth with more clarity and more compassion than I had back then.
It also felt important to make because I know so many people are carrying more than they realize. Sometimes anxiety looks obvious, and sometimes it just looks like overthinking, overworking, staying busy, trying to control outcomes, or feeling like you can never fully relax.
A Few Little Things Mentioned in the Video
I also mention a few of the slower, quieter things that have become part of my life lately.
One of those is puzzling, which has been such a simple but grounding hobby for me. I’ve been using a puzzle board that makes it easy to leave a puzzle out without it taking over the whole space. This one in particular is for 1,000 pieces and my puzzle fit perfectly on it, but you'll want to check your puzzle size before purchasing to make sure it fits - or just go with the larger puzzle board.
Also, I’m genuinely curious about something: have any of you ever framed a puzzle? I finished one recently that I loved so much, and now I can’t decide if framing it would look charming or just obviously like… a puzzle glued together on a wall. If you’ve done it, tell me everything.
If This Video Resonates With You
If any part of this season sounds familiar, I hope the video feels encouraging.
Not because I have everything figured out, but because I know what it feels like to be in the middle of something heavy and not fully understand it yet. And I also know that healing can happen quietly. Slowly. In small choices. In ways that don’t look dramatic from the outside at all.
There’s also a little message at the end of the video for anyone who might need it.
With Love,
Amber
P.S. - The Table
I also host a small membership space here on the site called The Table. I called it that because I picture it as people gathered around a table — probably with a piping hot mug of coffee or tea — talking, listening, asking questions, and sharing their experiences. We also have a small book club there where we will read and talk about books together.
If that sounds like your kind of space, you’re always welcome to pull up a chair to "The Table".
The Table: A small, thoughtful space for conversation, shared experiences, and slowing down together.
